Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Weighing on my Mind

I have decided to get rid of my scale. I'm getting back into eating healthy and exercising for the first time since I stopped having eating disorder issues. This past week I have only lost a couple pounds but I have already weighed myself more times than I care to admit. I know that is not healthy. I have told myself to stop but then I think well I will just do it one last time then from now on I will only do it once a week. My old pattern was to weigh myself constantly throughout the day. It seems like I have been weighing myself a lot this week because I am waiting for it to start working. I have never been into gambling but I imagine hitting the jackpot feels like when I step on the scale, look down and see that number shrink. It was really like an addiction for me. I would feel elated for awhile. Then I would become bored with my new weight. I would look around and feel hideous compared to all the other skinny girls then decide that it was time to lose more weight so I could feel good about myself again.

It's been a few years since I struggled with the severe body image issues, the restricting and the overexercising. It seemed like my issues with that just kind of went away... or at least I started focusing my attention on other destructive coping mechanisms instead. Since then I have avoided getting back into the gym and dieting because I know how addicting it feels for me. I have tried to not think about my weight and my physical health the past few years out of fear I would go back to that obsessive thinking. I feel like I am doing well enough in my recovery to start working on my physical health again. I will need to stay accountable to my friends, my family, the therapist and to you all to make sure I don't fall back into my old patterns. Maybe this will be an opportunity to finally be physically healthy for the sake of being healthy. I would also like it to be an opportunity for me to become more comfortable with myself and address those body image issues I have been trying to ignore the past few years.

2 comments:

  1. Once a week i think is more than enough and always use the same scales but really you shouldn't need scales. Don't forget fat can be lost from inside too which is way better than any external fat but you wouldn't notice any difference...except on the scales. Do it at the same time of the day too. Weigh. It's slow and don't forget drugs make you put on weight. Cooking food does not effect the calorie content. However, cooked food is digested easier by the body thus using less energy thus allowing more for other things, such as fat storage. So eat raw and drink cold water. Not raw, raw...unless you like sushi.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the comment... and I love sushi haha. :)

      Delete